ICYMI: Dads in New York are skipping out on paid parental leave—big time. A new report from McKinsey & Co. and Moms First found that New York fathers left $1.6 billion in paid benefits on the table last year alone. And when you zoom out to include New Jersey and California? That number jumps to more than $4 billion in unclaimed benefits in 2022.
The catch? It’s not that dads can’t take the leave—it’s that they aren’t. And when dads don’t take leave, moms feel the impact.
And that gap doesn’t just affect them—it affects moms, too. When fathers opt out of paid leave, mothers often take on the full weight of postpartum recovery, caregiving, and the mental load, sometimes at the cost of their own well-being and careers.
The breakdown
Moms are actually less likely to be eligible for paid leave (thanks to lower labor force participation rates), but they’re way more likely to take it.
- In New Jersey, 44% of eligible moms used the state’s program, compared to just 16% of eligible dads.
- The biggest reasons dads don’t take leave?
- They didn’t know it was an option (59%).
- They were afraid of losing their job (73% of workers making under $40K).
- They assumed their partner had it covered (more than two-thirds of men said they didn’t think it was “necessary”).
“There’s still cultural norms that tell us that caregiving work is for women,” said Reshma Saujani, CEO of Moms First. “There’s still stigma that penalizes men for caregiving and actually taking leave.”
And that stigma is keeping dads from stepping up and leaving a huge amount of money on the table. But more than that, it’s reinforcing outdated expectations that parenting is primarily a mother’s job.
Moms who don’t get the support of a fully present partner in the newborn stage are more likely to experience burnout, career setbacks, and increased stress—factors that directly contribute to maternal mental health struggles.
Right now, only 13 states (plus D.C.) offer any sort of paid leave. For those who do have access, it’s clear that the issue isn’t just policy—it’s culture.
And here’s the thing: this isn’t a problem that everyday dads should have to solve alone.
Related: Deloitte gives dads 6 months off, empowering moms too
Where leaders come in
If companies actually want employees to take parental leave, leaders need to set the example. That means CEOs, managers, and execs need to:
- Take their own leave and talk about it openly.
- Normalize dads taking time off without career penalties.
- Actively encourage employees—especially men—to use the benefits available to them.
Because right now? Too many workers are afraid they’ll be penalized for using a benefit that should be a no-brainer. And as long as that fear exists, moms will keep bearing the brunt of a system that makes caregiving a women’s responsibility by default.
Until leadership normalizes fatherhood—and caregiving, period—paid leave will stay an underused, overhyped perk.
It’s time to walk the talk.
Related: We’re entering a new age of fatherhood, says new study
