Selena Gomez has been pretty open about her ongoing chronic health issues since publicly revealing her lupus diagnosis in 2015. But now, she’s revealing for the first time that her health issues make her unable to carry children of her own. In a new interview with Vanity Fair, she opened up about her relationship with songwriter Benny Blanco, who told Howard Stern in May that he wants to have kids someday.
“I haven’t ever said this but I unfortunately can’t carry my own children,” Gomez told Vanity Fair. “I have a lot of medical issues that would put my life and the baby’s in jeopardy. That was something I had to grieve for a while.”
She didn’t go into detail about the complications that affect her ability to have kids, but Gomez has spoken at length about her health, including her 2017 kidney transplant and chemotherapy to treat her lupus, an autoimmune disease that causes the immune system to attack the body and can cause organ damage and other severe complications.
According to the Lupus Foundation of America, people with Lupus can sometimes have successful pregnancies, but they have higher risks of complications, including kidney problems, blood clots, high blood pressure, preeclampsia, and stillbirth.
“It is best to wait until your lupus is minimally active and your symptoms are under good control on medications that are safe to take during pregnancy,” the Foundation says.
Gomez told Vanity Fair that while she had to grieve when she first learned she wouldn’t be able to carry her own children—and it’s not what she envisioned for herself and her future—she’s in a “much better place” now.
“I find it a blessing that there are wonderful people willing to do surrogacy or adoption, which are both huge possibilities for me,” she said. “It made me really thankful for the other outlets for people who are dying to be moms. I’m one of those people.”
Gomez also revealed that her own mom was adopted, and that to her, it doesn’t matter how her children come into her life because “it’ll be my baby.”
How women can cope with the grieving process of not being able to carry their own child
Jessie Jaskulsky, the owner of Surrogacy Simplified, shares suggestions and tips for anyone who may be enduring a similar struggle to Selena Gomez.
- Find a support group or community—Connecting with others who truly understand what you are going through is a game changer. Infertility can be isolating and these shared experiences can make you feel much less alone.
- Say ‘no’ to triggering events—Whether it is a baby shower, gender reveal, first birthday, etc. it is more than okay to pass on the events that will do more harm than good to your mental health.
- Establish healthy boundaries—It’s important to decide how open you want to be about your journey to parenthood. It’s perfectly fine to tell those asking intrusive questions that you aren’t ready to talk about it.
- Give yourself grace—Having a day where you can’t focus at work, or you just don’t feel like you, is bound to happen. Try to have patience with yourself and allow yourself to take the breaks you need. You are stronger than you realize.
Jaskulsky also offers a free community for intended parents who are pursuing surrogacy to help them connect with others and learn more about the surrogacy process. You can join here.
