As you prepare to go out on maternity leave, you’re probably focused on the logistics. You’ve dotted your i’s and crossed your t’s—talked to HR about how much time you can take, checked your benefits, synced up with your manager, and mapped out who’s covering what.
And yes, all of that matters.
But what about preparing yourself?
Most moms plan for the practical side of leave. Far fewer think about the emotional whiplash that can hit before the baby even arrives.
There’s one crucial part of maternity leave prep that often gets overlooked: your mindset. How you are thinking about your parental leave directly affects your feelings about it. To put yourself in the most calm and confident headspace, it’s worth exploring your current emotions and also how you might implement some daily practices to steady yourself before your baby’s arrival.
It’s true that there are well-documented motherhood penalties in the workplace. As expectant parents, we may indeed be judged unfairly by others. Part of preparing for parental leave means learning to focus on what you can control—your thoughts, actions, and reactions—rather than trying to manage how others might perceive you. Learning that we can’t control other people’s behaviors is a skill that serves all working parents well!
Related: 4 productivity tips that helped me avoid burnout after maternity leave
When I was pregnant with my first child, my mind went in a million directions: How will my colleagues perceive my commitment to my role? Will they judge my competence? Will my baby arrive before I’ve handed off all my work? Will my colleagues resent me for burdening them with extra work? How will I find—and afford—childcare for my baby? If you’ve had any (or all!) of these thoughts, you are in excellent company.
I also want to share, however, that all of these thoughts were accompanied by an equal number of happy thoughts, too. I was excited to be pregnant. I was eager to know what it would feel like to cuddle my baby and be his mom. And I was ready to show him what amazing professional roles women can play in the world. The flip-side of anxiety is excitement—and it’s just as important to make room for that joy.
Some practices you can experiment with
If I were sitting here right now, talking to the newly-pregnant me about how to get her mind in a better place for going out on parental leave, I’d encourage her to start two daily practices that would calm and re-set her nervous system.
- A daily pause before launching into work: After I returned from leave, I started practicing a pause during my commute to the office. I took the metro, then I had a 10-minute walk to my office. During this walk, I’d stop on a park bench or sit in a hotel lobby and focus on breathing. I used the free Insight Timer app and turned on a timer with a bell or a short guided meditation for just a few minutes to steady myself and shift from “home mode,” to “work mode.” I wish I’d started this practice while I was still pregnant.
- A shower pause with an acronym: I knew setting an intention for my day helped me, but I’d always forget to set one. I solved my forgetfulness by creating an acronym, ISS (which of course looks like IS, a form of “to be”) and which stands for: Intention, Stretch, and Savor. While I’m taking a shower, I set an intention for my day (it could be “go to bed early tonight!” or “remember that whatever I do today is enough”), do a few stretches, and savor the hot water running over me. This is one of those grounding rituals you can keep doing even after your baby arrives. Start now, so it becomes second nature when life gets busier.
A new resource to help you plan for your maternity leave
If you’re craving more guidance on this kind of mindset work, I created a short, 6-session Insight Timer course called Mindful Preparation for Parental Leave. It covers everything from mental preparation and confidence-building to tips on finding your working parent support network.
The course is part of Insight Timer’s MemberPlus subscription ($9.99/month), which gives you access to all courses on the platform. (I’ve loved taking ones by Tara Brach and Reuben Lowe, too.) You’ll also find a classroom space for the course, where I respond personally to questions and comments from participants.
You’ve got this, mama. You’ve done hard things before, and you’ll navigate this leave-planning process, too. A huge world of working parents is here to support you through your journey.
Related: This is exactly how to negotiate flexibility after maternity leave