As the mom of both a college-age son and a middle school daughter, I’ve walked the tightrope of raising an empowered young woman who demands respect and a thoughtful young man who values women. It’s not easy territory to navigate—especially in a world where outdated gender norms still stubbornly persist, even as we collectively push to evolve beyond them.
That’s why I was immediately drawn to content creator Melissa Ann Marie’s approach to teaching her 13-year-old son about thoughtfulness, planning, and consideration through what she calls “practice dates.” Once a month, she gives her son $50 and has him plan an outing for the two of them, where he’s responsible for everything from making reservations to opening doors.
@melissaannmariee Come with me on a date with my boy 🥹 I heard about this idea from another teen/pre-teen boy mama and weve done this a handful of times now. We always have the best time with it! Basically you give them an allowance ($50) and they take you out on a date. The idea is you are prepping them for how to take a girl out on a date in the future so they aren’t completely lost when the time comes. So you help them along the way with how to plan and execute a date and you teach them basic etiquette and manners. And while you are teaching them, you get quality time with them which is the best part. What did he learn today?! -to open the doors for his date -not to walk ahead of his date -pay attention to their preferences with things (places they would want to go too) -pull their chair at a dinner table -learned how to give a waiter a non-verbal cue & signal for the check -learned how to make a reservation online -learned how to pay for everything all on his own – to get creative and thoughtful with a date & not a lot of money to spend 👏🏼 He planned a really sweet one this time and I really i enjoyed teaching him these things along the way and getting some one on one time together. I can’t wait to do this again and see what he comes up with. Trying to teach my boy all of these things so he can be the best partner for someone someday 🤍 #boymom #boymomlife #parentsofteens #motherhood #sandiego #fyp #parentingtips #gentleman ♬ original sound – Melissa Ann Marie
Teaching thoughtfulness beyond gendered expectations
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that when I initially heard “mother-son date,” I paused. The gendered expectations of traditional dating—men paying, planning, and performing chivalry—deserve a serious rebrand. (Expecting dudes to constantly foot the bill in this economy?! Come on.)
But watching Melissa’s viral TikTok, I quickly saw something more nuanced at work. This wasn’t about training a boy in some outdated 1950s dating playbook. This was teaching a young person how to be thoughtful, considerate, and present—skills all humans should develop regardless of gender.
In one recent outing, Melissa’s son chose a cat café for their “date,” explaining his choice with logic that would melt even the most cynical heart: “It supports a good cause… the money’s going to the kittens and cats.” Excuse me while I grab a tissue, because that level of consideration at 13 is impressive.
What he’s really learning
What I love about this approach is that the lessons extend far beyond dating:
- How to budget and manage money
- How to consider another person’s preferences and interests
- How to plan ahead and make arrangements
- How to be present and attentive
One commenter, Mother of Corgis 🐾, summed it up best: “Him picking the cat café because the $ goes to a good cause is 🤌🤌 10/10.”
And yes, there are elements that teach traditional manners—opening doors, pulling out chairs, learning how to signal for a check—but these are essentially lessons in consideration and awareness. They’re skills that create a more thoughtful human, regardless of whom they might eventually date.
Breaking the cycle of emotional labor
Let’s be real for a minute. How many women do we know who carry not just their own emotional and planning load, but their partner’s as well? The mental labor of constantly organizing, planning, and anticipating others’ needs falls disproportionately on women in heterosexual relationships.
By teaching her son to take the lead in planning, Melissa is actively breaking that cycle. She’s raising someone who understands that thoughtfulness requires effort, and that this effort shouldn’t fall to just one person in a relationship.
Related: How I’m raising a son who will grow up to respect women
Quality time with added benefits
Beyond the life skills, Melissa emphasizes the quality time this practice creates. “And while you are teaching them, you get quality time with them which is the best part,” she writes.
For parents of teens, especially teen boys who might be growing increasingly quiet or distant, finding meaningful ways to connect matters deeply. Follower Iz commented: “Yes following for more teen boy content mine is 14. He’s shy but so sweet, trying to break him out of his shell. 🥺”
A modern approach to raising considerate humans
What strikes me most about this practice is how it modernizes the concept of teaching consideration. Rather than rigid rules about who pays for what or outdated expectations about gender roles, it focuses on the fundamentals: be thoughtful, be present, consider others’ needs and interests.
And did I mention they scored a 5 for $5 taco deal afterward? As commenter Alexandra pointed out: “No one’s talking about that 5 for $5 taco deal?” Financial savvy AND tacos—the kid is clearly learning all the important life skills.
As parents, we’re constantly searching for ways to prepare our children for their future roles—not just as potential partners, but as friends, colleagues, and community members. Teaching them to plan a thoughtful outing, stay within a budget, and prioritize another person’s enjoyment feels like a pretty solid life skill, regardless of gender.
The best parenting approaches evolve with the times while holding onto the core values that matter: respect, consideration, and genuine care for others. This mother-son practice date ritual feels like exactly that kind of evolution—traditional manners reimagined for a more equal world.What do you think? Would you try something similar with your children, regardless of gender? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Related: The way we raise boys impacts everyone—so it is everyone’s responsibility
