Many millennials who grew up enjoying a warm, happy relationship with their grandparents are now struggling because their own kids don’t have that. While many studies have explored the idea that a relationship with grandparents is a key part of a child’s well-being, researchers are just starting to dig into the dynamics between millennials and their parents. This generational set is embracing familiar estrangement like never before. We need to acknowledge something here: Grandparents can only contribute positively to a child’s well-being if they contribute positively to the entire family dynamic.
This is something TikToker Janelle Marie opened up about in a recently viral video, where she got candid about her strained relationship with her mother-in-law, something she’s talked about on the platform before. Alongside some footage of her son playing quietly, she wrote in the caption, “Imagine choosing not to spend time with your grandkids because you are unable to be polite to their mom. Couldn’t be me.”
Experts say that the involvement of grandparents in their grandchildren’s lives can have many benefits for both parties, including physical, spiritual, and emotional benefits:
- Emotional health: Grandparents can provide emotional support, acceptance, love, and stability, which can help children develop better emotional regulation skills and reduce the risk of depression and anxiety. This can also help children cope with stress and adversity, and develop a sense of belonging and connectedness.
- Social and academic skills: Children with close relationships with their grandparents may develop better social and emotional skills, including the ability to withstand peer pressure. This can lead to improved academic performance.
- Confidence: Actively involved grandparents can help children grow confidence.
That being said, having a strained or dysfunctional relationship with your child’s grandparents due to their actions means if you have to put boundaries in place to stay mentally and emotionally healthy—then that’s what you need to do.
In a now-deleted comment on Janelle’s first video, someone appeared to write, “The only one you are hurting are the kids and you,” which prompted Janelle to make another video in response.
“I don’t think the kids are hurting if they aren’t exposed to a grandparent or family member that makes their parents feel like crap,” she said. “Kids only know what they’re exposed to! If all they’re exposed to is happy, adjusted parents who are not bickering in their marriage because they’re not seeing a mother-in-law who makes their mom feel like crap, or they’re seeing other grandparents who prioritize the time with that they spend with them rather than telling a story from 30 years ago that no one cares about — they don’t care that they’re not seeing you, despite what you think.”
“They’re not losing out. They’re not hurting,” she continued. “Yes, grandparents are incredibly beneficial for children only if they are not problematic. And you might think that kids are going to resent their parents when they grow up for never seeing their grandparent, and maybe that’s true. But honestly? Kids at a pretty young age start to understand what it feels like to have their feelings hurt… and once they learn that that’s how their grandparent was making their parent feel, I don’t think they’re going to care, but there’s a whole bunch of us rolling those dice, I guess.”
And roll away, mama. Your peace is yours to protect.
