A viral conversation on Reddit has been sparked after a woman asked whether she’s in the wrong for turning down an invitation to a girls trip with her longtime friend group. Her reason? She says she doesn’t want to spend the long weekend talking with them about “marriage and babies.”
“I (27F), have a group of female friends (8 of us), we have been friends for over a decade, since school. Now we don’t live in the same place, we meet up a couple of times a year for a weekend in an Airbnb. This use to be a weekend of good food, drinks, hot tub etc.,” she wrote. “I am content with my life at the moment, I am single, dating and I don’t know if I would like children – but in the event I did I know I wouldn’t want one soon. Around 5 of my friends are either married or in very long term relationships, of these 5 two either have a baby or are pregnant. I will be seeing all of my friends this year for various wedding / friend / baby events. I have been invited on this years girls trip, I have said I can’t come. I didn’t originally provide a reason.”
She added that when one of the friends, who is pregnant, asked why she wasn’t coming, she explained that it’s too much money to spend for “three days where we only talk about people’s upcoming engagements / weddings / babies.”
“I have a lot going on, but I feel a lot of my friends do not show an interest unless I talk about some one I’m dating,” she continued. “I also last time, listened to one of my friends talk about her breastfeeding plans, with vengeance, for over an hour. She is not pregnant or trying. Truthfully it’s boring, and it feels dismissive. It’s also a really expensive way to feel bad about myself. I made clear when telling my friend this, that I am thrilled for them all living the lives they want, but maybe it’s not the weekend for me at the moment. Meaning it feels like the group has two distinct life stages, I’m in the minority and it focuses on one stage.”
This hurt the friend’s feelings. Now the woman who wrote the post is being accused of not being excited for her friends’ life updates — but she says that clearly isn’t true, since she goes away for their weddings, baby showers, and other events, and that’s part of the problem. That’s a lot to fit in both her calendar and her finances!
The internet pretty quickly determined that the woman who wrote the post was not in the wrong here.
“The real issue here is different from how it seems,” the top rated comment says. “On the surface this seems like it’s just about engagements, weddings and babies. You go out of your way to be constantly supportive of them. However they don’t reciprocate that for you. They can’t relate to anything or want to relate to anything outside of their lives. It would sort of be like if you just won an award but all they talked about was the pie they just ate that morning.”
The woman responded to that comment, writing, “Maybe, I spent 13 weekends last year travelling (including transport and hotels), for this groups ‘big events’ and I am happy for them. That said it’s a massive financial outlay I am expected to attend, and they are not interested in mine. They were all invited to my birthday recently and said they were too busy from work / had plans with partners to come to the city for night. Even though accommodation was free.”
That comment is pretty telling. They wouldn’t come to her birthday party? Even though she travels to go to all of their events? I wouldn’t go on this girls’ trip either.
“No reciprocity in a relationship means it is one way. You are on the losing end. Stop giving to these people who only take and don’t really appear to care about what is going on in your life,” another comment says.
That seems to sum it up.
A version of this post was published in May 2024. It has been updated.
